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Freedom – I get to wake up whenever I choose, usually with the birds as the first flicker of light sneaks between the slats of our blinds. It means today is mine, to do as I see fit. Maybe it will be spent scrubbing my house down, or going to a movie…yes, in the middle of the day, shopping for a new dress for an upcoming wedding, or running small errands; which will include picking up something yummy for lunch. Though my favorite days include writing, whether on a book, a blog, a poem or even the task of editing…it is by far what I love to do. Then there is photography – another love of mine because whenever I engage that shutter, peace engulfs me as I capture something in that space of time that will likely change in the next second or two or perhaps a day…but I now have forever what I witnessed in that moment.

Guilt – yes, a little bit now and then…lurking in the shadows of my heart. I’m selfishly enjoying my days while others struggle to get through the traffic on their way to work. I recently had a request to help someone out for about an hour a day, but I declined. You might ask why, what’s the big deal…it’s only an hour out of your day. Right…but it’s also in the middle of the day…my writing and photography are full-time hobbies. As selfish as it sounds, I’m not willing to give up my freedom. I like knowing I can do whatever I choose with no obligations to anyone other than my husband and my home. I’m not saying I don’t help out friends or family when needed, I’m not insensitive to others and I enjoy visiting and/or helping friends out now and then…just not routinely. I will admit, if I was in Washington and my daughter needed help with the kids I’d work my schedule out around theirs…you bet, or if my son called and asked for a visit to help with my newest grandson, I’d be there in a heartbeat, because blood runs thick in our veins and each cell is pure love…nothing more needs to be said.
But here in the sunny state of Colorado…my life is mine. I’m blessed with a husband that understands my need to be free and is forever thankful for all I do for him and our home. He tells me to let go of any guilt I harbor because I can’t be everything to everyone, and it’s okay to be my own project instead…he says to be happy, happy, happy…and I am.

Pride & Gratitude – because I made it. I can look back through my life and know I worked hard to get here. Years of 50-70 hour work weeks while juggling children, their schedules, the housework, dinner along with packing lunches, homework, grocery shopping, cooking, paying bills – including who to pay with the paycheck and who not to because those pennies only stretched so far. More years than I can remember, there were no movies out, no dinners out, no manicures or pedicures to relax with, no vacation trips other than camping, no decent car to insure safety for my children. After some struggles, I was able to squeak out a small car payment to get something new and safe. Okay, so I was forced to manage it because without it I had no way to work. Was it a grand SUV or something sporty…heck no, but I was grateful. I was also always grateful for the ultimate quiet…yep, that was usually around midnight when my day finally ended. No, I didn’t stay up watching TV until midnight, I was in bed by ten…it was those few hours when I would lay there planning for tomorrow or having my mind spin over multiple issues I was dealing with on any given day. Only when I could shut down my mind was I able to slowly drifted off to sleep.

Advice or the right to ramble on – as the years went by, life started to get a bit easier – the kids became more independent and more helpful. My paychecks increased because I stepped up the ladder to get that added bonus of money until I realized I was making less per hour because I was working even more hours on a salary instead of hourly wage…oh well. Then I was hit with the teen years…not mine, my kids…oh yeah, those were fun, but again I made it.
Life continued to evolve for me and my children and today I look back and feel surprised at all the years that have passed by, all the struggles now over, all the good times we had, the tough times we endured and now I enjoy all the promises tomorrow brings.
For all of you young people out there, life does get easier…though it may not seem that way now. Find ways to decompress whenever you can, take fifteen minutes with a glass of wine or a cup of tea and your favorite book…alone. Go ahead and plan out tomorrow, but I can say with some certainty, it will come whether you plan it out or not, so get some sleep. It’s okay to realize you can’t do it all, something my generation really struggled with. It’s okay to ask for help. Be grateful if someone says yes and be understanding if they say no. But don’t let that stop you from asking someone else…you never know who is willing to help unless you ask.

I thank God daily because I made it and I’m where I want to be in life. I was lucky enough to retire a couple years early…thanks again to my husband. We keep our pursestrings tight but we enjoy our days and nights knowing we are right where we’re suppose to be.
I’m not foolish, I realize at any moment or any day, anything can happen to change my situation…until then I will enjoy, appreciate and know I am blessed…hmmm…guess today was a writing day.

Today is one of those days. Through our lives we have special occasions we remember with a smile. Then there are days we remember with sadness in our hearts. Today is a day we may all remember exactly where we were when this occasion happened because it was not on just a personal level…but on a nation level.

Some of us remember exactly where we were when JFK was assassinated – I was coming out of gym class in 7^th grade, in the locker room getting ready for my next class. And today…so many years ago, though it may feel like yesterday, I was standing at my vanity with a brush in one hand and my hairdryer in the other. I was getting ready for work, just like millions of others were. The stunned feeling of realizing it was not a news prank, but unfortunately breaking news still radiates unbelief in my soul as grief, sadness, and anger pour within me…how could this have happened.

I hope for all of us it was a moment in time we won’t forget…the lives lost, the lives changed forever, the bravery of our fellow citizens, firemen, and policemen. The truth of who in our White House knew this could happen must live with their knowledge and lack of action forever. Those who allowed those men to be trained as pilots must live with that regret as well. Saying “we had our eye on them” means nothing to any of those affected and living with daily grief.

The theories and speculations will go on forever, but it will do no good to anyone. What is done is done. Forgiveness may be given, but the details never forgotten. People say if you forgive you have forgotten. Not so, I forgive many people but I remember everything…words, actions, occasions. Because if we forget, what have we learned…nothing. We need to keep our boundaries guarded, we need to get the illegal immigrants back to their own country and stop being such a pushover country. Let them do it the right way. We need our governing body to protect our countrymen today, tomorrow and forever. They say they are doing their best to watch over possible terrorists but more needs to be done than “watching”…because if you close your eyes, that watching turns into nothing more than an apology later because those terrorists you were watching have taken our lives in their hands and are sitting back laughing at our generosity, kindness and naïve nature.

Here we are, again, talking about another country, Syria, to flood money, time, troops and other strategies, when what we need to be doing is taking care of our own backyard. I don’t care if that is not being “politically correct”. I don’t care if I’m being too callous for others to hear because I say what others don’t out of fear they may get berated for being unkind. It’s a balance act, and we are way out of balance. I know many people that have come to the U.S. through proper means and are proud Americans now. We can all recognize how, as countrymen, we have pulled together in more tragedies than we care to think about…from 9/11 to Hurricane Sandy…we are strong, kind, loving and generous. Nothing can stop us, so how about if we let our government know we voted them in office because we trusted them to keep our country safe so we could focus on each other. Not to worry about how good they look to the world by helping every other country when the focus should be on our own…our hungry children, our homeless, those in foreclosure, those who are ill, physically or mentally, with no medical insurance or other needed resources. Maybe funds could go into helping our unhappy teens that live in gang life because they are such lost little souls that anger keeps them from crying. Yes there are many sides to every story, this was just the tip of the iceberg and I’m sure I am misguided in some areas…but these words were fighting to get out of me so here they are.

This list goes on with the changes we need to see right here in our own backyard. As a civilian I am not privy to all the information the government has, their plans or any other pertinent data. All I can offer today is a prayer…a prayer for change to our country, knowledge to those in power and peace to the souls of those in sorrow.

You may wonder what I have to say about tattoos that would be of any interest. And to you, it may not be…it’s speculative truthfully, so you can stop here if you wish.

Someone recently asked what prompted the tattoos I adorn. Their thinking was that people get tattoos because someone else influenced them. That it is a fade among some and they will regret it later. The reality is I like Merlin (the magician) and I like flowers…so why not. I have other tattoos I’d like to get…a dragonfly and a memorial to my son that passed when he was an infant, but the truth be known I’m not as young as I once was and I might not heal as well…old skin and all that. Also because my husband is not a big fan of tattoos so why go there…right?

I wonder why there is such a stigma carried with tattoos, usually among my generation and older. It has been expressed that only hooligans get tattoos. Trailer trash, rebellious people with no sense of class, bikers or simply poor white trash. I’d like to see if I could shed a different view on these thoughts if you will indulge me for a moment. Let’s start with women who don’t hesitate to “put their face on” every morning. It’s a ritual of painting colors that enhance and accentuate. Some of us color our hair to hide the gray and look years younger, or maybe to highlight the color we have. Men, you too are a part of this discussion…you color your hair, change your facial hair with mustaches, beards and yes, you too pierce your ears. We dress each day to please ourselves and hopefully please others. Not everyone chooses to carry out appearance the way “society” expects…I’m not only referring to baggie pants – they are a story of their own and not one I know, I’m simply referring to the less conservative styles we see daily. There are those that go to tanning salons or lay out in the sun to get as dark as they possibly can…yes, that too is changing the color of your skin, just not in one spot…it’s all over you. We pierce our ears (a form of mutilation…right?) but instead of being degraded for it, we are encouraged with all the beautiful earrings available to purchase…come on ladies, you know you are glad it’s accepted, the clip-on style earrings hurt…a lot. But why would you want something on your skin you have to live with everyday for the rest of your life…I’ve been asked and I answer, because I can, and familiar makes me comfortable. The point is I love tattoos and I support artists. It is an interesting process and anyone who is talented enough to freehand beautiful pictures is all right in my book. I appreciate the gift they have and I’m honored to wear their work.

The history of tattoos began over 5000 years ago and is as diverse as the people who wear them. In case you are interested in reading further, here is a website that can explain in more detail…   http://www.designboom.com/history/tattoo_history.html

I can always tell a tat lover because they will come up and say “nice tat” or “where did you get your tattoos done” – some people have asked if it hurt, of which I tell them yes, it hurt a lot. There are people that have told me they want to get one but are too afraid of needles, wouldn’t know what to get or they don’t think they can endure the pain. I let them know I appreciate their honesty and suggest they start with a henna tattoo.

I watched a talk show once…so long ago now I can’t remember the name but they were discussing tattoos. The host asked the audience how many people had a tattoo – visible or not – and about 80% of the people raised their hands. There were people from all walks of life – from housewives and firemen to bank executives and doctors. Yes, some were required to cover them during their working hours, but they chose to have them regardless.

I’ve been told our body belongs to God and we are not allowed to “mutilate” it in any way…that marking your body is a sign of the devil. Really…you are going to go there when all the tribes that have practiced tattooing for centuries are God’s children too? It doesn’t mean they worship the devil; simply that it is their culture. Who has the right to approve or disapprove what other cultures do. Some say it’s because they don’t know God and don’t understand his teachings…no doubt those people are probably planning a mission trip right now to set them straight. Think what you want, it’s okay by me; we are all individuals. I’m taught if a child molester or murderer asks God for forgiveness for their sins, he will forgive them and off to heaven they go…that said, I think God will forgive those of us that like our skin decorated.

So if you are a tattoo adorner, wear them with pride. If you are thinking about getting one, I hope you go for it…the pain doesn’t last forever. If you still oppose or look down on those of us that have them…so be it.

No matter how you express your individuality, embrace it, love it and have fun.

Yes, today is simply a day of happiness for me. I’m launching my first novel and want to let you all know as soon as possible. I love my story, my characters and…well, everything about my book. I hope you enjoy it too.

Here is the link to “Do I Know You” – a romance/suspense novel I hope you will read.

It’s me again and, of course, I have more to say…regarding a blog I wrote back in November discussing abortion. If you remember, in that blog I stated I do not agree or disagree in having an abortion, I simply believe there are more sides to an issue. But it doesn’t end there because I am continually driven by the chatter in my head and feel the need to get this out there as well.

I hear, often, the issue on killing babies. So, what are we doing allowing our sons and daughters to be shipped off to risk their lives on foreign soil? Aren’t they someone’s baby? We criticize and condemn the woman for making the decision to abort a fetus before she feels the movement of life in her belly, yet we approve the leaders of this country to send our babies to fight their war because they have yet to find a civilized way to work things out. Yes, I said civilized…we teach our children to talk out their issues… no hitting, no biting, no pulling hair…but we cannot…as adults…figure this out. We rally to stop violence in schools, bullying, domestic violence, and child abuse – but in the same breath we spend millions of our tax dollars on war. Somehow I’m thinking we are sending our children mixed messages. And let’s not forget the millions, possibly billions we spend rebuilding what we just blew up so we, or the opposing group, can blow it up again. We have children all summer going hungry because school is out leaving them without a meal program to help, so as a side note, stop rebuilding and feed our children. I love living in a free country, always will, so I’m not saying to take down our defenses and let there be a free for all. I’m simply pointing out the similarities.

Wars have been around since before Christ and because of our human nature and the Enemy that roams the earth, it appears there always will be. These children…and I call them children because the boys have yet to shaved long enough to know what a “five o’clock shadow” is, nor are the women old enough to even look for a product to reduce those “hot flashes”…yes, I said it…hot flashes, take pride in their country and do what they are told, as their governing body sends them out into these lands with rifles to kill any threat recognized in their eyes. They are expected to protect, train, and rebuild at all costs, even the cost of their life.

I watched a show today in which a mother revealed her son was sent to Afghanistan to train the police officers on how to take care of their streets. One morning while a few young men were on base using the gym, the same Afghanistan police officers they were training, came in, rifles in hand (on a US Military base, mind you) and killed these military men in cold blood. And this is the country we are sending money to rebuild??? Again…this makes no sense, and neither did the death of these men.

But it’s to protect our country you say??? Yes, it is. Now you might be asking me how I can put both situations in one box. It’s easy for many to judge people who get abortions and those that help them, but because war is an element as common as the air we breathe, we accept it as normal, with promises our military men and women are coming home. Yea, tell that to my nephew who was shipped out before Thanksgiving.

Think about it…it’s because of these wars we are expecting these young men and woman to fight no matter what and that to me has significant similarities. An expectant mother and father make a decision about the child they cannot keep, for their own reasons, so they abort the fetus. As I said before, what might that child have been protected from?

On the other side, a political figure consciously says to a young man or woman to kill that offender and don’t come home until I tell you. Vietnam changed the lives of millions of men and women as well as with a list of other battles we have been and are currently involved with.

I guess my point is, I don’t understand how we can justify one form of killing and judge for another form – maybe Gods’ Commandment “Thou Shall Not Kill”…only apply “sometimes”.