Missing you

There are times I miss you so much I can’t breathe. Every breath takes an extra heart beat, every blink takes an extra breath. My mind swirls to understand how it all went wrong….how did we get to this, yet I know. Tears stain my pillow at night and my finger tips in the day. I do my best to push the lump in my throat away, but there are times I just succumb to the anguish in my heart, in a true desire to let the healing start.
Was our life together just a dream? I held you, loved you, nourished you with my love. Was what we had only in my thoughts and not yours? I wanted to be the one you came to for advice, sat and cried with, shared our dreams with…..hugged. Instead I was surprised one day to learned our life together had different prospectives….what I was to you compared to what I thought or wanted to be. Though it brought clarity to me, I believed unconditional love was forever, never suppose to be broken…..it is never suppose to fade through the tough times, sad times, or distance.
How long will this go on, when will the amount of time be enough time past. When will lives again be shared, enjoyed, smiled upon. Patience is all I can hang onto now. Understanding where you are but unable to unlock the door. What will happen over time, will you let me back in your heart or is it lost forever. If it is forever lost, then my interpretation of unconditional love has been a lie……there is no such thing.
 
God please heal my heart……